I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
