I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
