Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When are your genitals available?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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