I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
