I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
