You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
