great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
where are my eyebrows?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
