My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
