I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
