I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
