go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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