Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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