I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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