I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My ass is underappreciated
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
