when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
