the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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