I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
