we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
