a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
