it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
