dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
