U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
