He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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