Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
