Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
