my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
