it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
