Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
