I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
