My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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