My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
