i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My liver just had a heart attack.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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