He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
