Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
