Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
