Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
