I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
