Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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