I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
