my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
