youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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