update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
