I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Randomize
