have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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