i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
