i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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