I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
