Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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