the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
