So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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