i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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