Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
