i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
