And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
